Just the other day I heard Amitabh Bachan asking a KBC contestant to watch kabbadi on TV as his son owns a team. This got me thinking that it is one thing when parents take pride in what their children are doing and entirely another when that pride becomes a matter of prestige.
Abhishek Bachan's career in films was short-lived. Though he did give some super hit films yet, public expectations were so high that he could never match them. That is because his father is a huge superstar. But if we see otherwise, he has done reasonably well for himself. In his case, the pressure of expectations was external, not from the family.
Whereas in average households the pressure is internal. Every middle-class family where the storyline is about a self-made father and the struggles that parents went through to give their children better than what they got, be it education or lifestyle. In such families, the child has to prove himself to his parents at every step of his life.
A boy of an army officer has to be an army officer, the prestige of the family lies in it. An engineer's or a doctor's child should at least be an engineer or a doctor. Anything less than that is tough for parents to come to terms with. It is a prestige issue.
It's not only the job or the stature, but it's also about the money. Millennials don't discuss their salaries as much as the parents do. The pay packages are bragged about in functions, during regular phone calls and now on what's app family groups.
Children became a trophy for the parents to show off. It started somewhere in the seventies when the number of children per couple got restricted to 2 or 3. From lighter things like winning a fancy dress show, dancing, reciting a poem in front of everybody etc. to holding a position in class and preparing for a competitive exam, everything became a big deal.
In the '80s and '90s, it aggravated with examples of a cousin who is IIT, IIM or an IAS, in-fact everybody studying science in the family would drive the children up the wall. Likewise, for an army kid, especially the boys SSB exam was their life goal, doesn't matter if the child is cut out for army or not. If the child wouldn't make it through, it became a life long burden on parents prestige. Parents would then and even today talk about their dreams and what they fancy their children to be as they grow up. While doing this, they forgot or were somewhat unaware of the impact of all this on the child's psychology.
I am an 80's kid myself but one of the lucky ones. My parents were so busy making ends meet and dealing with big Punjabi family with so much love that they rarely spoke to us about their dreams.
I had a very happy and content childhood. It's not that we were not scolded for getting bad marks, but it was never life and death for us. Though relatives would say everything possible, that could hurt and shatter our confidence, nothing mattered.
One reason was that my mother is very creative, she actively and genuinely participated in every cultural activity that me and my sister pursed. Acting, dancing, debating, painting, sports we did everything and studies went along with it. We were never a family that had enough money to go on vacations, but that didn't stop my parents from sending us to our relatives. At 10 I travelled without my parents form city to another. We saw our parents helping so many people in and outside our family with money and hard work that putting others before self became our core value.
Whenever we had discussions on, what we would pursue as a career? I remember my father would say, do whatever you want, just stand on your own feet and not depend on anyone financially. This helped me make better decisions for myself. They trusted us, with ourself.
The sense of responsibility, to take the lead, be proactive are qualities that became stronger with time. My parents trusted me with not only housework, my siblings but my mom would sometime let me manage her daycare too. Education was always vital, but it was never pursed to compete with others. I was and am still my own competition.
Though freedom of choice, creativity, expression have become essential over the past few years. Yet there is a thin line between pride and prestige and that line is often crossed even today. I think this is one big reason why the millennials and gen z is so confused. They are mostly in a state of "I know, but I don't know".
Definition of success is still about a good salary, a corporate or a Sarkari Naukri.
But is success really just this?
Success to me is very subjective, and nobody else but a person himself/herself can decide whether he/ she is successful or not. I think success is when you are helpful to others, fearless, independent and confident to go ahead with your dreams and plans.
The last of the Millennials and Gen Z have finances to work on their dreams. Their parents don't depend on them, they have the freedom to move to bigger cities and pursue what they want. But their decision-making skills are weak, and a lot of them feel the pressure of prestige. Parents have found something to brag about here also, now they brag about their child's dream, ideas and creativity.
Abhishek Bachan's career in films was short-lived. Though he did give some super hit films yet, public expectations were so high that he could never match them. That is because his father is a huge superstar. But if we see otherwise, he has done reasonably well for himself. In his case, the pressure of expectations was external, not from the family.
Whereas in average households the pressure is internal. Every middle-class family where the storyline is about a self-made father and the struggles that parents went through to give their children better than what they got, be it education or lifestyle. In such families, the child has to prove himself to his parents at every step of his life.
A boy of an army officer has to be an army officer, the prestige of the family lies in it. An engineer's or a doctor's child should at least be an engineer or a doctor. Anything less than that is tough for parents to come to terms with. It is a prestige issue.
It's not only the job or the stature, but it's also about the money. Millennials don't discuss their salaries as much as the parents do. The pay packages are bragged about in functions, during regular phone calls and now on what's app family groups.
Children became a trophy for the parents to show off. It started somewhere in the seventies when the number of children per couple got restricted to 2 or 3. From lighter things like winning a fancy dress show, dancing, reciting a poem in front of everybody etc. to holding a position in class and preparing for a competitive exam, everything became a big deal.
In the '80s and '90s, it aggravated with examples of a cousin who is IIT, IIM or an IAS, in-fact everybody studying science in the family would drive the children up the wall. Likewise, for an army kid, especially the boys SSB exam was their life goal, doesn't matter if the child is cut out for army or not. If the child wouldn't make it through, it became a life long burden on parents prestige. Parents would then and even today talk about their dreams and what they fancy their children to be as they grow up. While doing this, they forgot or were somewhat unaware of the impact of all this on the child's psychology.
I am an 80's kid myself but one of the lucky ones. My parents were so busy making ends meet and dealing with big Punjabi family with so much love that they rarely spoke to us about their dreams.
I had a very happy and content childhood. It's not that we were not scolded for getting bad marks, but it was never life and death for us. Though relatives would say everything possible, that could hurt and shatter our confidence, nothing mattered.
One reason was that my mother is very creative, she actively and genuinely participated in every cultural activity that me and my sister pursed. Acting, dancing, debating, painting, sports we did everything and studies went along with it. We were never a family that had enough money to go on vacations, but that didn't stop my parents from sending us to our relatives. At 10 I travelled without my parents form city to another. We saw our parents helping so many people in and outside our family with money and hard work that putting others before self became our core value.
Whenever we had discussions on, what we would pursue as a career? I remember my father would say, do whatever you want, just stand on your own feet and not depend on anyone financially. This helped me make better decisions for myself. They trusted us, with ourself.
The sense of responsibility, to take the lead, be proactive are qualities that became stronger with time. My parents trusted me with not only housework, my siblings but my mom would sometime let me manage her daycare too. Education was always vital, but it was never pursed to compete with others. I was and am still my own competition.
Though freedom of choice, creativity, expression have become essential over the past few years. Yet there is a thin line between pride and prestige and that line is often crossed even today. I think this is one big reason why the millennials and gen z is so confused. They are mostly in a state of "I know, but I don't know".
Definition of success is still about a good salary, a corporate or a Sarkari Naukri.
But is success really just this?
Success to me is very subjective, and nobody else but a person himself/herself can decide whether he/ she is successful or not. I think success is when you are helpful to others, fearless, independent and confident to go ahead with your dreams and plans.
The last of the Millennials and Gen Z have finances to work on their dreams. Their parents don't depend on them, they have the freedom to move to bigger cities and pursue what they want. But their decision-making skills are weak, and a lot of them feel the pressure of prestige. Parents have found something to brag about here also, now they brag about their child's dream, ideas and creativity.
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